I have a lot of these, but that’s not really what I wanted to write about.
It’s more about abandoned projects from a time standpoint. I think of what might happen with A Song of Ice and Fire when George R.R. Martin dies or whether we’ll ever get to see the full scope of Jim McCann’s Mind The Gap. He keeps promising to come back to it, but I think at this point, it seems both unlikely, and that the hype has dissipated.
I have a canon planned, a series of voyages into different genres and styles that are intended to lead from a very dark place to a very light one. From nothing to everything, from nowhere at all to infinite eternity.
I just don’t know if I’ll ever get there. If I’d started at twenty, maybe. Now, starting at forty-one, more cognizant of my own mortality and the impact of my admittedly poor dietary habits (plus fifteen years of binge drinking and on-again, off-again depression), and I have to wonder. Can I make it? Will my mind still have the capacity to do what it is I intend at an advanced age?
I know I could never do that final piece now. It’s too much, too big. I’m just coming into the realization that I’m nowhere near as good as I thought I was, and beginning to appreciate how far I’ve come. How could I now create the next great epic?
It’s possibly, certainly, by putting one foot in front of the other, but I would like to be published sooner rather than later and this is a long-term project. I’d like to cut my teeth and earn my growth on smaller items first.
The question is, by the time I’m good enough to do this, will it be too late?
Will I be gone before I get to say what I truly want to say? Before I even know what it was, fully?