The Disconnect

The problem with depression is that it kills the value of everything in your life.

All the things that you value, that you enjoy, that mean something to you, whether it’s just entertainment or something deeper, like a life’s purpose or a favourite task, are robbed of their emotional content.

Robbed of meaning. Of purpose. The whole why of the thing disappears, no matter how much one might love it.

From a movie franchise that normally makes us laugh to watching our children grow up and achieve new heights, it can suck all of the emotional content right out of it.

The moments where we should be relishing in your connection to our world – through our family, through our kids, through the loves of our life, through the act of creation or repair or a job well done, through the act of creating something new, there comes a thought.

A wall.

A bubble, a fog, a disconnect, a dampening of the nerves.

Whatever you want to call it, it asks, “what’s the point?”

And if you ever have asked yourselves, “what’s the point?” while say, watching your son or daughter play in the backyard? If you’ve ever cried because you can’t feel anything at a graduation, or just wanted to disappear when accepting kudos at work, then you know what I mean.

It’s a horrible feeling.

There’s no worse feeling than seeing something you know you should be enjoying, living in the moment with, feeling as deeply as you can, but you can’t, because depression has you utterly disconnected.

It’s that moment that makes you give up. Projects, books, shows you’re watching, and sometimes, on the people you love.

I wish I had some way of stopping it before it starts or an easy trick to get out of it, but unfortunately, I don’t.

Like they said recently on The Flash: sometimes, you just have to do your best and live with the consequences.

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