So, I lost about ten days there.
I wish I could say what happened. Burnout, depression, the impositions of the real world? All of it, really.
I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I told myself I was having difficulties connecting with the work. I started seriously considering another idea far too large to contemplate on its own right now.
Not that the other thing is too much, it’s just too much right now. It’s an idea I have for down the road. An epic novel, probably pushing a thousand pages.
But it’s not enough. It feels like it’s bigger. But it’s so big, I’d have to drop the whole canon I have planned to do it.
It feels too big.
And too limiting. It would inevitably start as a “government agency/crime novel” type thing and go from there into a geo-political deal with very real personal issues and interactions.
But is that pandering?
Am I losing all I wanted to say by going for more of an action-based series with a host of complex characters? I want my work to be timeless; I don’t want it to be lost as just another series. I don’t want to be Tom Clancy or Robert Ludlum. I don’t want to be “insert generic bestselling authors whose books are all pretty well the same formula here” guy.
Not that I could ever let it do that. I thought of it as a modern day Game of Thrones with a much more personal flavour.
But to let go of everything else I’ve dreamed of?
I’m back to the work now. I’ll pick at this thing on the side, and see just how big it is, but ultimately, it’s the things I want to explore that I want to say.
It’s not just the action; it’s the intent.