Category: depression

depression

Final Drafts

Part of me just wants to hope beyond all hope. It feels like a hint of success, or just the completion of a few meaningful tasks and I can break away from all the anguish and hand-wringing and in-my-own-head bullshit. Part of it knows that it’s the association with this novel I’m writing that’s got …

depression

Forty Two

It’s been an awfully long time since I’ve been this depressed. The last time was probably at that den of ego and incompetence I left to start the store, when I had to force myself not to swerve into oncoming traffic every day. I’d say after the store, but mostly there, I felt like a …

depression

How I Want To Feel

You know, you’d think this was a simple question. You want to feel good. Happy. Blissful. Generally, the idea is to end up on the positive side of the ledger as far as emotions go. Lately, I’ve started to wonder about myself. I’ve heard of and know other people who identify with such completeness their …

depression

100 Days

I started writing this book a hundred days. A hundred days ago, I just wanted to write a book on depression, metaphorically represented by the dead people our hero (?) talks to, in an attempt to exorcise that same depression from my life. For that, I will not claim success. I mean, there’s lots of …

depression

The Disconnect

The problem with depression is that it kills the value of everything in your life. All the things that you value, that you enjoy, that mean something to you, whether it’s just entertainment or something deeper, like a life’s purpose or a favourite task, are robbed of their emotional content. Robbed of meaning. Of purpose. …

depression

Depression Identity

It’s easy to let the negative parts of your life become your identity. Addict. Victim. Crazy person. Bitch. Loser. Depressed. I do and have suffered from depression since I was in my pre-teens. Sometime around the time where what I was being told was good and right stopped lining up with what made sense or …

depression

Non-Conformity

I am a terrible non-conformist. I don’t mean that I’m an inveterate or incorrible non-conformist, though that’s what I’d really love to be, but rather, I’m bad at it. For all the punk rock on my iPod (yes, I still have one) and all my literary heroes coming primarily from either the counter-culture or genre …

depression

Depression, On Fire

When it comes to writing about depression, the words won’t come. I don’t know what it is, but writing honestly about depression induces writer’s block in me. It’s not something I talk about with others very often, or at all, but it’s been an old friend since I first learned God wasn’t real, and that …