It’s been an awfully long time since I’ve been this depressed. The last time was probably at that den of ego and incompetence I left to start the store, when I had to force myself not to swerve into oncoming traffic every day. I’d say after the store, but mostly there, I felt like a …
Clever Pretense
I’ve never been a fan of pretension. I’ve never been someone who followed trends or got into stuff because that’s what the cool kids were into (wherever in the global pantheon of “coolness” you were trying to fit in – whether that’s mainstream or music snob or blogger mommy or whatever). That’s not to say …
How I Want To Feel
You know, you’d think this was a simple question. You want to feel good. Happy. Blissful. Generally, the idea is to end up on the positive side of the ledger as far as emotions go. Lately, I’ve started to wonder about myself. I’ve heard of and know other people who identify with such completeness their …
Tired
I am trying desperately to stay out of the shit. Out of my head, out of other people’s nonsense, out of the various dramas people insist on inserting into my world. This whole world, myself included, needs to do better. They need to be better to each other, to themselves, to creating a world where …
You’ve Got To Be In It
I was reading Thomas Sterner’s follow-up to a personal favourite of mine, The Practicing Mind, purported to be the more practical edition, and I came across an idea that stuck with me. The story centred around a golfer who had a tendency to self-destruct if she put too much pressure on herself. She spiralled into …
100 Days
I started writing this book a hundred days. A hundred days ago, I just wanted to write a book on depression, metaphorically represented by the dead people our hero (?) talks to, in an attempt to exorcise that same depression from my life. For that, I will not claim success. I mean, there’s lots of …
Graduation
I never graduated. At least, I never went to a graduation. I do recall getting some awards at some point, but I never did the cap and gown walk. Of course, going to school was a bit of a problem for me in the last couple of years of my high school. My transcripts indicate …
Getting Back On Track
It’s been a learning process these past few weeks. I’ve tried to live with a sort of internal guidance program that focuses on a few key things in order to stay on track. Play with presence, with focus, with a heavy bent toward growth of any kind, combined with a strong desire for absolute freedom …
Bliss
It’s always been my belief that there is only one actual driver of human behaviour, although it manifests in a myriad of different sub-motivations. I believe that every human action is driven by the desire to reach a state of total bliss. From sex to suicide, from the pursuit of power and the power of …
Accept / Reject
I’ve been thinking a lot about determination and reactionism, if that’s a word. I think we’re all pretty aware of how history tends to repeat itself within families and culture. The abusive, alcoholic parent whose children also end up abusive drunks, that sort of thing. In a less grim vein, think of the woman who …