Tag: depression

writing

Doubling Up

I’m trying to make up for lost time by doubling the number of editing sessions for this new book. My near breakdown a couple of weeks ago wherein I dropped into a low energy, completely unmotivated, I-am-certain-I-suck mode cost me a great deal of time. I came out of it better planned out, which is …

growth

Learning

I’m a stubborn prick. Not in a narcissistic, my-way-or-the-highway kind of way, but I have traditionally been a difficult student to teach, when I don’t want to learn. This may sound contradictory to the people who know me, because I can be such a “nice guy”. At times, I’m a coward about a lot of …

depression

The Day I Almost Gave Up

I remember thinking, “This is it. This is the day I gave up. The day I stop trying forever.” It was like an out-of-body experience, or some weird flash forward, to a day when I’m old and gray, angry and disappointed with the fate to which I’d resigned myself. There I was, wrinkled and beaten, …

writing

Back On The Horse

So, I lost about ten days there. I wish I could say what happened. Burnout, depression, the impositions of the real world? All of it, really. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I told myself I was having difficulties connecting with the work. I started seriously considering another idea far too large to contemplate …

writing

Submissions

Today is the day. I’ve spent a couple of weeks away from the whole “depression epic” that is Requiem For A Doormat and I feel that it’s time to send this puppy into the world. Like a parent dropping its child off at college (or perhaps more appropriately, leaving them at kindergarten), I’m leaving this …

writing

Dead Talker

Just under six months ago, I decided to take a run at exorcising a demon. Everyone’s heard the axiom, “write what you know”. Well, I took that to heart. I took it to heart so deeply, I had to ask what is the one thing I’m truly good at in this life? Is it pessimism? …

writing

Done

Well, almost done. One more read-through and this blessing, this pox upon me, upon my family, will be complete. Or complete enough to send out to every agent and publisher that might have an interest in such dark doings. After all, everyone wants to read a story about someone’s less-than-epic descent into depression and suicidal …

writing

Things I Have Learned

I’m almost done with this manuscript. Last minute changes, editing commas and the like, it’s tedious, but not overtly taxing. It’s allowed me some time to reflect on things I’ve learned in the process of writing this puppy, and not just that I have a tendency to use unnecessary commas (see last comma). I started …

depression

Final Drafts

Part of me just wants to hope beyond all hope. It feels like a hint of success, or just the completion of a few meaningful tasks and I can break away from all the anguish and hand-wringing and in-my-own-head bullshit. Part of it knows that it’s the association with this novel I’m writing that’s got …